Are You Emotionally Attractive?

Author, Michael Port, used the term emotionally attractive to describe the internal energy we all have within us. I was struck by an epiphany: if energy ignites us and we are emotionally solid then others will gravitate in our appeal.

In my recently released book, “How to Depolarize Your Jerk Magnet” I write a variation of this thought but never describe it as emotionally attractive. When we demonstrate through care for ourselves as well as others, by default we become attractive to others. Being able to promote good feelings in and for others and enjoy who we are, allows others to love the way they feel when they are with us. These good feelings then awaken great feelings and people will want to naturally envelop us. Being emotionally attractive draws people toward us like bees to flowers. I distinctly recall a time while taking cared of my grandmother when others started responding to me favorably. We would be out and people smiled at me, opened the door or just greeted me pleasantly. I wondered why I was never aware of their responsiveness before. But then I realized, I wasn’t mindful of their presence because they weren’t there. They weren’t gesturing me because I was emotionally shutdown. It was my emotional attraction in the presence of my grandmother that they noticed. With her and the love I felt for her, I was soft, yielding and kind. Consequently, people could feel the warmth I had for her and it made them gravitate toward me. Soon after my grandmother’s passing, I noticed people had started ignoring me again. What was the difference? My emotional attractiveness dissipated with the loss of my grandmother. My spark, my energy evaporated and I had returned to my business-as-usual routine and people stop noticing me. The common denominator was me. To determine whether I was responsible for the unresponsiveness of others, I tested myself by pretending my grandmother was with me and then I would observe how other people responded. Every time without fail, when my energy was different so was the receptivity of the people around me. Amazing when I was welcoming and open others were willing to engage with me.

I want to share some of my insights in my next few blogs to discuss what I believe it takes to change emotional attractive by evaluating the following traits: Friendly, enthusiastic, awareness of others, giving, spontaneous, jovial, empathetic, positive, thoughtful and kind. You develop these characteristics and the world will notice you.

Men: Are You a Sounding Board or Are You Sounding Bored

Men are conditioned from birth to fix damsels in distress—to be knights in shining armor and to ride off into the sunset with their fair maidens. The problem is that when women complain to their men they are only looking for a sounding board to vent—not to be rescued from peril. Women are encouraged to process their feelings outwardly to the masses and look for solace, empathy and a shoulder to cry on. Because men are trained to find answers they are often perplexed by their partners’ elevated emotions when they give them the let's fix-it-and-forget-it spiel. Most women aren’t looking for solutions…they’re looking for hugs. If men want to cure what ails their mates most often they just have to envelop them and let their ladies melt into their arms for warmth and comfort. Women often carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and sometimes, just sometimes they need someone to take control and let them know that it’s okay to be taken care of so they can feel safe and secure.

So men…the next time your ladies need to cry or vent be a sounding board for them. Stop getting frustrated or sounding bored because they won’t take your advice. Now if you've realized your ladies are drama queens in your castle you may have to accept that when you rescued these damsels in distress you’ve purposely sought out distressed damsels and you may need to admit that you made a mistake.  These types of women thrive o chaos and catastrophe but that’s on you because that’s what you signed up for.  Men and women are fundamentally different that’s why they are called the opposite sex but find the balance. There are actually women out there who don’t suffer from mental anguish. Just be forewarned that even they may just need some XOXO from time-to-time because that’s they way they roll. In conclusion if you want to fix a woman be her sounding board. It’s often that easy.

To learn more on how to find better relationships read Gents Getting Jerked at the end of each chapter of my new book How to Depolarize Your Jerk Magnet.